One

cake, cooling. little hands helping and this mama grouches, snaps that it's not help.

the phone call, unexpected playdate: why not? it would help to get little feet running and out from under.
she didn't show up.
my heart turns toward bitter and i mutter my perceived worth-less.
how did she forget so soon? how could she plan, then fail?

it's littlest one's birthday. zesty cake waits for siblings and cousins to share, and i foresee smoky birthday song and frosting mustaches and torn bits of paper, surprise beneath. my heart is full for the want to share, invite the whole world to such an occasion! but there is no one who knows. who knows his expressions, his demanding for attention, his belly grabbing laugh? that his existence matters so much and our world wouldn't be the same without him?

we've felt stood up before. we've felt unknown, forgotten. two years in newish place has not yet yielded depth and intimacy.

but He knows today. He knit fibrous muscle and skeleton and soul into my not-so-tiny babe, long before i got the pleasure of meeting him one year ago today. He has not forgotten us, despite our oft-forgetting Him.

thank you, Father, for GOOD GIFTS: for my avery turning one today, and for husband and big brother love. even for lime cake and the best aunt in the world to love on my boys. and above all, for a love that draws me in.