Tuesday, January 25, 2011

The deepest secret nobody knows

when the world was kaleidoscope under shining tears, she was always there in focus. when laughter cried down freckled cheeks, mouths wide and heads swung back for the joy of it, our arms were linked. when the night sky broke in a million raindrops, and we saw only mirror shards of each other's love, we stood still in the knowing. we can't be without each other. we've only ever known the other's presence, like sun and moon aligned (never eclipsing, we know that now).

we've shared seasons apart--a frozen rhode island i will never know, and georgia peaches that are mine alone. sons have been born without the other to kiss welcome hellos. but still we always breathe one.

we followed her out here to this vast skyland of texas. i missed my poplars and friends and that feel of home. but she became home to me, here. we shared our sons, five of them all stair-stepped and enough crazy to gray us infinitely. we've learned a new knowing as mothers-together. we thought sisters had it best of all, but our womb-sharing with each other only ever taught us to be the women who opened wombs to children of our own, and there is magic in the revelry.

and we leave again. go back "home," and i'm happy and broken in the tearing. love that city with its blues and elvis-stamp, its barbeque and smoky grace, the friends eagerly waiting to love on me (all expanded with my boy group in tow), the city of a thousand churches if i could find one to embrace me.

the world runs together like watercolor and finger paint, all smudge and swirl for tears that know no matter what we'll survive distance, but also know magnetic pull to be one, here, always. my boys need their bebe as much as they need their mama, and she knows it. we both do.

so much new to come: new job for rickey, new hours for me to learn to be wife and mama and teacher, new city/old city (moving always brings new, doesn't it?), new balance of friend-church-rest. and new without her.


(me on the left, her on the right)

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
~ e.e. cummings

10 comments:

Ostriches Look Funny said...

wow. you are going to be busy!!! moving is hard, but exciting.

Leslie said...

i LOVE the photo of you two beautiful girls... and this news is exciting and sad at the same time. so glad you carry each other in your hearts...

deb said...

life is always so bittersweet at times.

you are both clearly radiant in each others hearts.

Sarah said...

This is beautiful, Misty, and happy and sad and all of it together. I love it and I love you, friend.

rain said...

beautiful girls! may God bless you as you follow Him.

Jonathan Chu said...

Among your beautifully spun words, I find a unique view of the future ahead of me. Two girls, sharing their uniqueness beyond their oneness. I hope my daughters find as much together as they do apart.

Can't wait to see you again, my friend. You are welcome to be a part of our family!

suzannah {so much shouting, so much laughter} said...

oh sisters! what a beautiful tribute (and how i love that poem.) blessings to you on the move and new chapter:)

miriam said...

Misty, I am so excited you are going to come back to Memphis and that I get to know you. :) I hope everything is going well. I have a sister way out in California I have missed so much. She is expecting number one next month, so really soon. She will be moving late summer back to the south so I am very excited to have her closer by and share motherhood with her.

Sonseria said...

I know how hard this must be for both of you, so exciting for you to have your husband close at home now, but so difficult to leave your soul sister in the vast wilderness that is Texas! How we've all grown up over the years, memories of us little girls sunburned shoulders, icecream covered faces, sharing secrets, dreaming of becoming adults..now we are adults..secretely dreaming of being children once more, rocking our own babies, kissing them sweetly as they slumber, praying silent prayers over them..I pray for you and yours to have a wonderful and safe journey. I love you both so much. Maybe some day we'll be able to keep company again with one another. Oh and Welcome (back) to your Home away from Home!

Jodi said...

Bittersweet. I know what this is like, Misty, because two of my children live far away. And we're a close family. God bless your journey.