Tuesday, October 19, 2010


there are times when words don't come easily, even for the word-lovers. and it's not so much that words are stuck in one's throat, but rather they are stuck in your heart and you don't quite know how to speak them without breaking your heart or the words or both.
and so stillness speaks.
and waiting is not anticipating right now. it's trying to hope, to remember good gifts and answered prayers.
i almost wish i could be pat and say the things in my heart don't matter or shouldn't affect me, but the fact is, i've been suffering a depression that isn't easily shaken. things feel intense, and my filter seems a bit broken. perhaps that is merely pregnancy, or perhaps the words are too stuffed down.
i'm feeling a bit lost in all this stillness, and trying to know that He is God. trying to trust in his Goodness, and let it be enough.

a song that speaks for me


Leslie said...

Praying for you, Misty. I've been where you are. The waiting in the dark, feeling my way on hands and knees. You're right, the pregnancy hormones could be affecting you, and sometimes the mind does follow where the body leads. He is there. He understands. He loves you. May He bring light into your dark places. Be gentle with yourself. Rest when you can. Walk if you can. I will wait here with you.

Jodi said...

Misty, psalm 108:29-30 He calmed the storm to a whisper and stilled the waves. What a blessing was that stillness as He brought them safely into harbor. Praying for you today friend. oxo.

Manda said...

Hmmm... this song hits the deep places! Resting in the words when we have a hard time finding our own!

emily wierenga said...

you've been on my heart, friend. i will pray, hard. i know this depression, and it is not kind. but he lifts us up... and i call on him to do that for you, sister. xo

Louise said...

Hi Misty
Beautiful song. He is enough. Sometimes all we have is holding on to him and we know that is only possible because he is holding on to us. Depression is tough - mine was post-natal. I trust your blog is a help - an outlet for expression really helps. My struggles at the moment are in a very fragile marriage. I've just read your whole story though - thank you for sharing it. I've found there's not enough honest reality out there, even though God's grace is big enough to cover it. Thank you.

Nancy said...

Joining the others in prayer. Sometimes the entirety of my prayer life is simply letting songs like these wash over me again and again and saying "Amen" in my soul.

May God give you eyes to see His presence with you today, friend. He loves you so.

Anonymous said...

yeah. i get this - and i'm sorry. but you know what? it's okay to not be okay. what makes this process so beautiful? this is where He shines. this is where His glory is revealed and you, my friend, come out radiating Him. :)

praying for you.

Misty said...

Been thinking of you in your silence. Prayers for you now. I love Jars of Clay, love this song, love the whole album.

deb said...

you will come out the other side of this,
from the dark night.
you will
go easy on yourself, you are loved completely as you are.