Monday, October 25, 2010

Carrying

hands effortlessly finding each other in the dark, this is a hallmark of our love. that i can trace words on his stomach only he knows and understands, this is testament to the bands on 3rd fingers. i used to joke that i had so much baggage he'd be a glorified bellboy, and he smiled but didn't laugh at what wasn't a joke. he's carried much, much more these last 5 years. grace in marriage is spellbinding, isn't it? and to parent, to grow as two-as-one into a family of almost 6 when we barely know what we're doing... well, we just grip fingers til white-knuckled those days.

yes, he's carried more.

our home is full of people love and animal love, and we lost some of those poor babies this weekend, lost, too, the first pet i ever got as an adult. there is sadness here and i turn into him at night in our bed, and i cry "i wish it weren't so" tears. that his cheek was wet, too, bespeaks how he knows--how he knows me and my heart and cries for and with me. hands find each other and cradle comfort.

there is a carrying that happens in both birth and letting go. it mirrors bodies intertwined in love and tears wiped away in grief and fingers interlocked in faith. we sleep just so: in love and grief and faith.

6 comments:

Leslie said...

You lost a pet? I hear the grief, and understand that pets can be such a family loss. You said, "babies." Was it more than one loss?

Thinking of you...

Jodi said...

I am so sorry, Misty. <3 You have a good man.

GlowinGirl said...

I'm sorry for your sorrow, but isn't it comforting to be able to share it so intimately with someone. That is something to be full of gratitude for.

Manda said...

Sorry for your loss, friend. Sending you a warm embrace full of love. Do not be afraid to cry those saddened tears... especially when you know you have a hand to hold. ALWAYS a hand to hold.

deb said...

oh, Misty. I'm so sorry.
I hope there was little suffering in the end.

and I have a husband who carries more than I ever could. If I didn't have his hand to reach for I don't know what I would do.

happy for you in this.

Flower Patch Farmgirl said...

So sorry for your loss, but so thankful for the love you have to help smooth it all over.