Sunday, August 29, 2010

Sunlight on the water

"The heart that breaks open can contain the whole universe." Joanna Macy

we made it to church for the first time in ages. it's been a month of sundays, to be exact. and in that time the graduation/advancement service happened, and i think subconsciously one of the reasons we didn't go was because we were so afraid shea would not handle the change well. he looks just like his father, but his heart is molded like his mama's, and we both cringe against the unknown. his tender little heart has grown to love routine and sameness, and the one sunday a while back his teacher wasn't there, he couldn't even stay in the classroom; how would he handle a new class and possibly new peers and definitely a new teacher?
beautifully, it seems.
easily, and smilingly.
it appears i did not have enough faith in him.
we also came on the last day of an apologetic series, this one on the god of the universe and the theory of intelligent design, on a cosmic and biological level. it takes faith to believe that kind of stuff.
i'm reading eat, pray, love this weekend. haven't seen the movie yet, and i bought the book for .50 at goodwill. it's been hard to stop for dinner and cleaning, and i feel like i want to read her prose forever. and this is with my cynicism built-in already. i guess i'm easy when it comes to a good story and better writing, but even that takes a kind of faith, no?

ms. gilbert writes on the subject of faith, and i found myself nodding, agreeing, appreciating, despite the fact that we know very different Gods:
if we truly knew all the answers in advance as to the meaning of life and the nature of God and the destiny of our souls, our belief would not be a leap of faith and it would not be a courageous act of humanity; it would just be... a prudent insurance policy. i'm not interested in the insurance industry. i'm tired of being a skeptic, i'm irritated by spiritual prudence and i feel bored and parched by empirical debate.  i don't want to hear it anymore. i couldn't care less about evidence and proof and assurances. i just want God. i want God inside of me. i want God to play in my bloodstream the way sunlight amuses itself on water.
 i fully hear this heart-cry, and i weep tears for the breeze that pimples my skin in love, draws my breath in a hallelujah, the same breath that so easily turns to voice raised or fear-speaking. i know the desire to have God so fully present you have to see through him to see me, as i once read on a christian board online.
so today, instead, i continue the counting, numbering and naming my blessings, claiming each little breath of daily divinity, little morsels given til i realize i'm feasting on Him all day long.

131. reminder that he is Lord of heaven and earth, sung in many voices
132. for texas skies, bluer and wider than any i've known before
133. for a week, so much cooler, for chance to be outside enjoyably
134. for my scientific husband who helps me to see the beauty in the rational
135. and for his acknowledging that i help him to see with beauty-faith
136. for shea, unperturbed in sunday school, for a heart that loves to give
137. for connor, who has had many successes this week in obeying and discipline
138. for avery, little one, who makes all the rest of us smile wide and long
139. for friendly chat with online friend
140. for whole saturday morning spent with sister
141. and we bought books at that! so many books for very little money (goodwill has a clearance? who knew?!)
142. for faithful hands of doctors caring for other sister experiencing ongoing contractions, too early
143. for those little twin girls staying put, growing as much as they can
144. for husband to finally get some rest, and a positive word from his job/boss
145. for sunlight that shimmers on water
146. and the faith it takes to see the hand that created it all
147. and his grace, inside of me, alive
joining with ann and others today to count our way towards a thousand blessings.

holy experience


emily wierenga said...

i love your heart.

and i wish i could go to the movie with you... :)

Stephanie said...

Oh, I love your heart, too, Misty, and you write so, so well. I enjoyed stopping by and doing some catch-up reading.

I can't tell you how much your caring comment meant when I read it this morning. Thank you.

Yes, I've been busy with our first week of schooling, preceded by our big yearly birthday weekend at the lake which celebrates a boatload of August birthdays from my horde all at once. It is a lot of work for me. We got home at 2 a.m. on Sunday night, and started school bright and early Monday morning.

I had a hard week, and your comment was a smile. Did I say thank you?

There are other reasons, too, but I haven't had much time for the blogosphere, and I've missed reading you.

Just posted @ Ann's. I'm going to try to keep up my writing. It will be hard.

Sending a cyber hug,


Jodi said...

Misty, this is a beautiful post and list. Thank you for your kind comment this morning. I answered your questions; yes, gorp, yes, my hand. :)

keLi said...

great post and great list ... i have that book, but got a little bogged down in the opening chapter and set it aside. you've convinced me to take another look!

Nancy said...

Have been ambivalent about reading that book/seeing the movie, but your lovely post convinced me. Wish I could go to the movie with you as well! Just wanting God...beautiful words to think about. Blessings to you, friend. (And congratulations to Shea!)

GlowinGirl said...

I'm glad your babe made an easy transition -- we don't give enough credit, do we?

Love that thought about people having to see through God to see me. That should be the ultimate Divine goal in our relationship with others.

Giving thanks with you for the faith to see the thousand blessings, one at a time.

Anonymous said...

Well, I do wish blogger had not eaten your words at my blog today. :) I would have loved to hear all your "why's."

But I did enjoy your post today, and I'm so glad you stopped by and commented so that I could come by here and "meet" you. I love Ann's communities, don't you?

Misty said...

Beautifully said. I just finished reading her book myself and you made it come alive even more. I also really enjoyed it and found a lot of her insights breathtaking. I've read some pretty harsh criticism of her in some communities but I was really challenged by her faith in a lot of ways.

Sarah said...

Misty, I love this. So glad your little one made the transition well. And may we all be thankful that his grace is in us, his life making us alive!

Myrtle's Turtles said...

Hi Misty, I always look forward to your post- I just sat down to read it and it is beautiful. I am happy that your little guy made it through okay. Also, about the book, I have heard a lot about it and I am still not sure. I am not much of a fiction reader and I'm not really into that sort of thing, but your quote got me interested. Let me know how the movie goes. Maybe it is one of those at home alone with a tissue box on a Friday night movies.
P.S. I hope to see the Texas sky one day!

Hyacynth said...

I'm so thankful for many of the very things you listed. Mostly, that the Lord is Lord of heaven and Earth. What a truth to rest in on a beautiful Tuesday morning. Stopping by from Suzannah's, and I'm so glad I did. :)

Manda said...

I've been debating reading that book... probably my own cynicism holding me back.
Love your lists, Misty... your heart is lovely in word.

suzannah {so much shouting, so much laughter} said...

so much encouragement here, always!

i had mixed feelings on EPL. i read it in a strange, online, mark your book up and pass it along to the next reader, and i got it last with tons of notes (which was so cool.)

i enjoyed the story and did resonate with her spiritual hunger--yet i found her to be a profoundly unappealing narrator! i bet julia roberts pulls it off, tho...

suzannah {so much shouting, so much laughter} said...

(a BOOK CLUB--missed entering that phrase;)

Myrtle's Turtles said...

Hi Misty, about your question: Yes you can use this with some veg, I like to bbq or saute some cauliflower, peas, corn and other veg, with some garlic, basil salt, pepper and olive oil. These would pair nicely with the buttercup squash. Do you eat fish or seafood?