Monday, September 26, 2011

(hard)

hard.
i can't even begin to express here the storm of uncertainty in my heart. but i need to get it out somehow.
how do you share words that hurt, even when your aim is to protect? how do you write real when you can't forget last night's dreams (the bad kind)? how do you mama-give when you curl fetal?
hard.
i know i can't make sense to you. (ambiguous you) i wish you knew i loved you and hurt for you, but i hurt for me, too.
how can there be seasons of certainty and others of mere fragility? days when i'm strong for me and others where i ache for you?
silence lingers these days, and i know neither of us knows what to say. i'm sorry. i'm praying for us. even if you don't know it.



311. breathing out this prayer for all of us involved: when you can't trace His hand, trust His heart.
312. for broken hearts so he can heal
313. for bravery where he allows
314. for the wind that whispers his name and the rocks that cry out, and the faith it takes to believe
315. for grace, daily
316. for the little things that help deflect these cloudy thoughts:
317. such as this gorgeous fall-like weather
318. and owen now 4 months already
319. and homeschooling freedoms to play-learn
320. and little boy haircuts
321. and husband's strongest arms to rock wee babe and tender-wrap me
323. for chocolate chip cookies
324. and coffee shared with friends
325. "for God so loved the world"

linking with the gratitude community as a discipline to share humble thanks even in a hard season right now. thank you for sharing without sharing some of my heart's cries today.

7 comments:

Jodi said...

This reminds me of my relationship with my mom. Hard. Hugs, Misty.

Leslie said...

"how can there be seasons of certainty and others of mere fragility? "

i know this, too. in a different way. may you be held in arms of LOVE during this season of fragility. praying for you, today.

Sarah said...

Praying for you, too, Misty!

Nancy said...

Breathing prayer for you this morning, friend. May you see His presence with you in unmistakeable ways today. Hug little Owen for me.

suzannah {so much shouting, so much laughter} said...

praying, prayer for deep shalom wholeness and Love that casts out every darkness and fear. grace, sweet friend.

Craig said...

Misty that was such a pure pouring out of heart – it broke mine a little – and I have to say,sorry I’ve been gone so long, you know what this month has been for me, you’ve been by, thank you for being so nice. Anyway, I want you to know that even though I don't know the situation, I just finished praying for you, and it, and them. ANd of your list – my favorite was, "321. and husband's strongest arms to rock wee babe and tender-wrap me - because the way you worded it was a perfect word picture – and a little bit Ann-ish. Thank you. God bless and keep you and all of yours.

Catherine said...

Misty, I'm dumb and I need blog help! I want to subscribe to you... How?

I so enjoyed spending a little time with you and Owen yesterday (and all those other ladies). I feel like your my mama partner, just a little bit. I'm excited Christina is joining us!