Friday, July 9, 2010

Shielding the scars/Scars that shield

Shielding the Scars
i hide the parts i think are ugly
cover their imperfection
and brokenness,
but that often looks like
a full-length fur coat for a day on the beach
pompous, out of place
and exposing none of the real me beneath.
i'm afraid my ugly will spill -
and it does.
i act as if it's either really important to seem best
or weaken the story that knows first-is-last
and last-is-first.

Scars that shield
i also hide behind my scars,
those raw and purple wounds
the ones that left me for dead
only i survived, somehow.
i think if i build a wall
i'm more protected,
and people will want to know me
the real me,
except they can't get past the pretend beauty/exterior.

***
sometimes i think he keeps me broken
so the scars can't will themselves
to being unknown
so i can be a story of Grace
with no help but to open heart and soul
bleed onto others
lifeblood pouring

realize,
it's in the giving, the bleeding
the no-walls
glimpse into my imperfection
i can't save myself
can only rely so heavily,
head resting low and hard, on Him,
on allowing you to be his arms hugging me.
building walls/tearing down
know that grace is loving me
loving you
not despite ugliness
but because of it;
shields being lowered not because we're safe
but because we're not,
for his love is wild and reckless and ruthless and Grace.

5 comments:

suzannah @ so much shouting/laughter said...

"shields being lowered not because we're safe
but because we're not,
for his love is wild and reckless and ruthless and Grace."

amazing. love your honesty, always.

Nancy said...

Misty, you are a story of grace. A triumph of God's grace.

emily wierenga said...

he uses you. he inspires through your words. you are beauty-full.

-t- said...

Real. Thank you. Great poem. So real.
I, too, love where you find yourself:
"shields being lowered not because we're safe
but because we're not,
for his love is wild and reckless and ruthless and Grace."

emma said...

Beautiful.