Friday, November 4, 2011

An ode to five months

when i want to write and feel wordless, i should remember to always fall back on what i love and know best: those little boys of mine. bear with my mama-heart? :)

my baby is five months, and i think i literally ache at each day older, just wanting him to stay for a while. with all those previous, i was ready to stop bed-sharing, ready for a little "independence," some space, if you will.
how?
(there is no real indictment from me; i know who i used to be. i shiver in remembering. how can there be grace? i shiver in the undoing)

i am not ready for intro-to-solids.
not ready for him to be in his own room, far away in our tiny house.
not ready for him to crawl and get bigger.
i wasn't ready for him to be out-of-womb because of how special that sense of all mine was. i still feel he's just mine in a way, and i could breathe in his soft plumpness for always. he has found his feet (truly, no thing in the world is as cute as a fat baby holding his feet to his own delight, i say!) and found his voice (pterodactyl? squeaky-toy?), and i can already see him running away and telling me no, and i pray he stays little a little longer.
each of my sons has a treasure i love, and i chuckle to think of what i love most about baby owen: he is small and young for a fleeting season. already it is cold when i was fatly pregnant in spring. so as he rolls over onto belly and gets stuck in the bumbo and drinks deeply from mama's breasts, i choose to honor this time with gratitude that he mine to borrow at all.

5 comments:

Ostriches Look Funny said...

mine is five months tomorrow. This is such a hilarious, adorable, fat and wonderful age. It kills me. I hear you.

Brandee Shafer said...

The time does go so quickly. Char was 14 mos on Oct 30th. I need to wean her before Thanksgiving b/c her daddy and I are going to steal away for a few days. So every day, I'm like: today will be my last to nurse! But then I give her a boob, anyway. Hard to let go of it.

emily wierenga said...

oh, these days, they go too quickly... i understand friend. my boys are my muse, too. bless you.

Leslie said...

such good days. so good to know they are good while they are...

Bethany Ann said...

i was just recalling "intro-to-solids" today. what a fun time that was!

"mine to borrow..." yep, i feel that all the time.