this has been one of those 'off' weeks.
the kind where words are hasty and not always empathetic to the other's feelings. the kind where busy-ness has felt closer than happy-ness. the kind where circles have been made around the other: children tended, dishes washed, work accomplished (or not), and errands here, there, a wall of my-needs-first, careless.
today words were hurled at him; how him? my beloved did not feel be-loved.
so i cooked.more than just prepare the dinner i had planned, i wok-fried that little bit of remembered passion into the neatly chopped vegetables. reheated leftover rice, refusing to give him my emotional dregs, my discards. vowed with the stirfry sauce that he still deserves so much more than i can do, but to daily remember all i love about him when life stills that voice to a quiet whisper.
while he wiped off dirty mouths and i wiped off dirty dishes, i asked him to play "happy music," and with the first notes of a newly favored song of mine, i heard him shouting to me across the room "i love you hunny, as i always have, and will."
you see, he played me my favorite song, one he dislikes--immensely. he played a silly song not normally classified as a love song, and still it quivered each note with patience and forgiveness and friendship.
do i deserve this man? not anymore than i deserve grace. but i love him and am reminded of the Good gifts we're given.