Wednesday, February 15, 2012

how worship is the hardest thing we do

we talked of the commandment, how he tells us how to love him, worship him, return to him the glory that is always his, and that little part of me always chafes at the being told what to do, and i wonder if we aren't just puppets after all.
and then one of the ladies suggests that worship is not for us and i think if it's austere, then there is more room for him to fill, less for my useless attempts at purity and law to clutter the space, and i breathe low. think, that worship is sometimes painful, and it is, i know, because i have sung praises on a tongue that wanted curses, have prayed selfishly because i didn't know how to say i love you and mean it, and because all i really want to worship is my own self, my own strengths, my own time and needs.

and it's only the heart for him. pure form means nothing if a heart is defiled, and he knows the heart, knows my thoughts,
and if knowing me, how can he love me?

this is worship.


Leslie said...

i know that "puppet" feeling... i think it comes, as you say here, when we don't understand His love... because when i get a glimpse of it, the worship follows freely. oh to walk in this, always.

Jodi said...

He knew our weaknesses from the beginning, but loves us still. Agape love. Yes, worship.